The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
