Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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