I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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