cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
