New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
