I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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