Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
