i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
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