i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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