Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
