Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
