We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
