I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize