Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
