fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize