everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize