Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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