You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
