i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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