Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm gonna have a badass scar
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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