things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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