The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My cat gives me a boner
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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