would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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