Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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