Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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