just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
