you would pick up someone in the library
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
