At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
