She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
