she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
