I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
