I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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