You smell like a Billy Joel song
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
If its not for food we ain't going out.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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