where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
i now understand why vodka
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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