if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Randomize
