The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
