Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
