How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
