Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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