I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
