Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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