Christians are straight up FREAKS
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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