im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
