I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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