'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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