I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
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