her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
