I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
