I cannot find my penis.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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