I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
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