Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
