Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
