Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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