guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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