I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
