on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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