I saw his package. It spoke to me.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
