This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
