Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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