this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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