I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
