wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
