you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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