Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
