Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Found the puke drawer
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
