he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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