I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
