I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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