all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
