The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
