I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Life is so much better after having sex.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
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