Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
