feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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