I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My dick has a subreddit
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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