The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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