My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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