Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize