that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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