I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
