So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
