For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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