I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
