I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
