i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
