we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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