In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
