mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
