I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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