I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
